I always forget how great it is to go to Kensington market in the morning. A few of the benefits:
-The day old bread at My Market Bakery still has a worthwhile selection. Big bag of still soft garlic cheese bread, bagels and multigrain baguette for a buck!
-No line at the cheese shop(s). One of the cheese shops seems to exclusively hire cute scruffy guys (ie exactly my type), but I generally forgo that in favour of the one with the older guys who are happy to discuss and recommend cheese and offer you a million different slices to try before you decide.
-The oddball singing lady is usually there in the mornings. She sings all of yesterdays hits, off tune, off key and off rhythm. It sort of works, but maybe I just think that because she sounds so much like me singing. Today her fake microphone was a carrot and she was wearing a new looking mumu on top of her 'regular' clothes. She was singing Time After Time. Her sign said WANTED: A job in children's television.
- I can take my time shopping for sunglasses and hogging the mirror
-Apparently this is the time of day when my favorite bulk store brother gets high and listens to Neil Young while restocking! oh- note that I literally mean brother. There are like 6 of them that run the place.
-The fish shops odor is less pervasive
Not really though! things are good! looks like I missed this day too
dammit! yesterday was World Tapir Day and I didn't even get to celebrate! The first ever World Tapir Day in fact. Remember? I couldn't be anymore cutting edge zeitgeist if I tried.
check out the site, apparently it is for everyone, "Regardless of whether you are a hardcore tapir fan or whether you have only just discovered the world of tapirs."
oh also still funny: theses. as in the plural of thesis
I have accidentally written 'poosibility' twice today. Also, after having taken an entire Major's worth of philosophy classes, I still laugh when a professor starts talking about duty.
Once, when I was 16ish (so highly embarrassable), this right wing political group was campaigning in the parking lot of the supermarket my dad and I were driving out of. It was possibly for Stockwell Day's leadership of the Canadian Alliance Party. Stockwell Day is a Pentecostal btw; these supporters might have been from the Pentecostal church. One of them came up the to the passenger window of our VW (yep), and asked if we would be supporting them. In an uncharacteristic aggressiveness, my dad leaned across to this guy and said 'ha, but he believes the world is 6000 years old! Humans and dinosaurs would have existed at the same time! That means he believes the Flintstones were real! really! haha, I don't think so".
and on. oh I wanted to melt into the seat. I politely declined the free balloon.
but jesus guys, you look like human skid marks
I love living in a city where you easily hear 5 different languages everyday. I HATE it when the people talking in non-english are obviously talking about me, and I have to stand there like a doofus with a blank stare as they insult me. I've always wanted to be able to bust out in their language, making them all ashamed for their tactlessness.
I think what I'm going to do instead is learn to say "have a nice day, friends" So I can say it as I'm leaving and make them at least think that I understood.
ok so time for babelfish to translate "have a nice day, friends" into:
Italian (todays offenders)
Portuguese
Mandarin
Cantonese
Urdu
Japanese
Korean
Punjabi
Farsi
Tagalog
Thats all I can think of for now
Brand: Holsten Premium. "German Purity Law of 1516"- gimmick
Type: Lager? I sort of feel like Holsten is to beer what a 'table red' is to wine.
Taste: See Above. This beer is a collection of negative propositions: not light, not dark; not terrible, but not that good.
Occasions: Until you're out of the stock you bought when they were deeply discounted at the LCBO. Good to offer to the guest that always says yes to a meal, joint and a beer or 3, but never reciprocates. Hey maybe he/she can't afford it. In which case he'll be used to a subpar beer.
Best Paired with: your mom
Notes: There is a banner on the corner of the label that says 'Imported Beer'. I guess most imports say this somewhere, but Holsten does it in a way that seems to be overly compensating. As if they are saying- we can't be that bad, we're European!!
Did you know that Haagen Dazs is made up name? Brand association. with a continent.
Wow. Text message from Tanzania! She heard 'Live is life' and thought of me! aw.
So this life version has terrible sound but look at the crowd starting at about 40seconds in. Jesus are they doped up on quaaludes . c'mon Opus, stop hogging the snow.
Also: I want a keytar
I only made it through about a minute and a half of both of these, but this is just about the funniest karaoke lyric display I have ever seen.
ps I really wish the bouncing ball would make a comeback in karaoke, after a few beers my rhythm goes to shit.
those free chocolates have been a steady part of my diet since I got them last week. The foil wrapped squares have little messages written inside. They range from the mundanely cheesy to the somewhat bizarre, with a few reasonable ones in between. They are all in the vein of marketing women power.
ps. Im not writing this because dove asked me to. I was just trying to figure out who they are marketing these things to and I figured it out: girls who like the quote: "smile like you mean it, dance like no one is watching, love like you've never been hurt... something something I dont remember". Oh and The Notebook is probably a favorite movie. NO judgment. well a little, but you can judge me for loving Biodome. Hell I even liked Son-in-Law.
ok so here are some of the highlights
The cheesy mundane:
Don't look at the pricetag
Jump on your bed Meh, the fun is mostly lost when your bed is a mattress on the floor and there is a real chance of hitting your head on the slanted ceilings even without jumping
Buy yourself flowers This I do
the "sassy":
give out the wrong number
A push-up bra is not cheating Outright telling women to wear push up bras was neatly avoided
entering the realm of bizarre:
Use a good moisturizer Is this what we've come to?
Change the subject
Remember your first Is this creamy chocolate telling me to think of le devirginization?!
Reasonable:
Ride shotgun though this one seems about 20 years outdated. how about drive yourself?
start a travel fund Can do!
what if they started putting little zingers and witticisms instead.I would like that. they could call them Bon Bon Mots. Holy fuck I am clever.
Yeah buddy, get in line
He is a Super Fan though. I can dig.
satisfaction is a morning full of successfully completed errands topped off by a drippy falafel sandwich. The falafel guy told me about his plans to expand and get rich. He said the key is real estate. don't bother with houses, he said, its all about plazas.
Forget plastics. The future is in plazas. My uncle always said the future was in water, but now I'm not so sure.
Brand: Pilsner Urquell. "The Original Golden Pilsner Beer"
Type: Pilsner. From the Czech Republic. Thats a bit of a strike against it right away. Ever since the Czech Republic refused me entry and left me stranded at a border crossing in Slovakia, I've held a bit of a grudge. I hear the architecture is fantastic; I wouldn't know.
Taste: Real nice. Light but flavourful. Actually I forgot how much I like this beer. It should be decent though considering that Pilsner Urquell was pretty much the original commercial Pilsner/Pilsener (apparently it can be both). One point back to the Czech Republic for inventing Pilsner! And one point to wikipedia for telling me the history and spelling alternatives!
Occasions: I bet a tallboy or 3 of Pilsner Urquell WOULD have been perfect during the 7 hour roadside wait for what I assumed was a daily bus back to any kind of city in Slovakia.
Best Paired with: This would definitely be good with some chips and salsa. Anything with Jalapenos probably.
Notes: The can is a really nice matte gold and the logo outline is stamped onto the can (sticking out thing? dont know what that's called). Good looking cans are important to me and this one is nice. Point for living up to its claim of being the 'original golden pilsner', unlike Asahi's outrageous claim of being a 'Beer for All Seasons'- I'm still not over that. If I'm going to continue enjoying the Pilsner legacy, I think I'm going to have to let go of my Czech Republic grudge. From now on, when I walk past the discarded 'CZ' wristbands from Comfort Zone, I won't think about E's scuzzy roommate in 1st year and I won't think about the trip to the Czech Republic that never was. Instead I will think of a nice frosty swig of Pilsner and the many ways in which it has enriched my life. I'll probably still think of E's scuzzy roommate though.
oh man, it's already really hot and stuffy in my room. does not bode well for the summer. I mentioned it to my roommate that lives in the other room up here in the attic. She described the summer heat in these rooms as being a kind of "punishment". At least I won't have to put up with my hands freezing up while I'm typing?
Two things will save me:
the balcony. oh the balcony.
tallboyssssss
oh, and solid grooves. I'm determined to work that into my vernacular
I learned about the crazy world of internet forums vicariously through an ex (ha! no surprise who). Anyway, it is sort of fascinating. so is this video of the best flame war ever. oh and its real.
I'm so happeee. Good lord the end of winter feels better than taking a fist full of Ativan. or so I imagine. Last night I was so excited to wander about that it was several blocks before I realized I was wearing my shower sandals- one coral coloured, one navy blue, both right footed flip flops. I only noticed after other people were staring. Several people actually turned around after they passed in order to get a better look. meh. nothing could bring down me and my Elmore James
So there is a big plot of empty land in Canal street in NYC and here is what this Architect group Work AC wants to do:
Awesome. Its probably not going to happen, but it warms my heart that these sorts of things are moving beyond the realm of science fiction pipe dream. ok maybe still a pipe dream. NYT mag calls it the "locavore fantasia".
it would have...
different crops on each floor; land laying fallow would be used for play (putting greens, say). Four large water tanks would collect rainwater for irrigation. “Sculpture structures” commissioned from artists would act as columns supporting the building, which leans back to face the crops toward the sun.
also makes it a little easier to accept me as your personal Lord and saviour, no?
also on monday E returned from tofino (on her birthday),
Dave returned from Egypt (via Dubai and Slovenia) to take a FINAL final exam for his masters degree before flying to Costa Rica.
And Dear Becky moved to Tanzania to live and work in Jane Goodall's house/institute.
I was holding things down in Toronto. nothing went terribly wrong.
So thank you very much big brother google, since my blog post yesterday was titled ‘creamy’ my gmail sponsored feed today was “The creamy snack that is as fun to open as it is to eat!” I’m not going to say the name of the product because then they really would win, but it was a diet chocolate or ice cream thing. Unless opening the product gives the feeling of a deep tissue massage, or spurs the people around me to break out in song and dance (a lifelong dream of mine)... then you really shouldn’t be comparing the experience of eating your product to the act off ripping apart layers of plastic.
yeah?
When circles are kept in larger squares
At what price would you sell your soul? Well in grade 8 I sold it to Bessie for 4$. She was opening up a soul shop at the time. I seem to recall buying it back for 3$, but my memory is a little fuzzy on the details. So if I even have a soul left to sell, the new price is a big fucking bag of chocolate. E told me about this marketing thing where they give Dove chocolate to bloggers. I filled out a form, they called me and asked about social networking sites aswell (facebook, myspace) and how much socializing I do- online included. Never did I feel so lame. But apparently I am worthy! I got this big box in the mail today- fullll of chocolate bars, little chocolate squares. I mean full. Anyone in TO want some chocolate? Mm.mmm.mm. I already have that flushed feeling I get from eating too much chocolate or sugar. I’ m going to have to pace myself.
I guess they are marketing the chocolate as an ‘indulge yourself’ moment for the ladies, because I also got a little pedicure pack, a wine glass (too bad “Dove” is splashed across it, oh well) and a leather bound journal! Oh! And a stylish tote, for all my eco-friendly grocery trips to Kensington!
Another flashback- in grade 7 I made a newsletter, it maybe had two or three issues, and about 5 readers including myself. I held a contest to see who could guess what the initialized title stood for. The winner would receive a “Stylish Tote!”. The stylish tote was one of those dog poop bags from the park- I liked them because they had a picture of a guilty looking dog watching his owners delicately manicured hand pick up the poop with the protection of the bag. Ah ha, Sarin also recently reminded me that she submitted a story on the problems with parents wanting more control over your life. Apparently I rejected it! I said it wasn’t that kind of newsletter, I was looking for fun satire! The gall!
you just know little buddy is doing the heather shiver. he's even got the eye squint perfect
Happy Birthday E. This is the closest I have to a picture on your birthday last year. 6 days later. You are a bright spot in a sea of dingy black.
hey I bet you were the only one there that does light and dark laundry loads (or is it whites, lights, brights, darks?)
how's this for a social experiment (oh for a female to do): go to a bar/club/party/anywhere where young drunk people congregate, wearing a shirt that says something like "EVERYONE LIKES THEIR OWN BRAND" on one side and maybe "FARTSTRONG" or "HUMAN SEWER" on the other side. Then act really sexually aggressive, flirty. Hilarious results? disastrous? typical?
possible variation: if the object of said flirtation asks about the t-shirt or acts uncomfortable, tell him that you ruined your shirt earlier that night, and this tshirt is just a loan from a friend- and actually 'toilet' humour revolts and embarrasses you, so please don't mention it again. That could be funny if you bring it up, as dude would definitely be a little weirded out and likely pretty uncomfortable. If they were the one to bring up the tshirt- they'll probably feel sort of terrible. Either way it will remain a huge white elephant.
yeah?
I think a really hot girl would be best suited to do this. yes.
I like this. I saw it a few days ago and it just occurred to me now that maybe it isn't a polar bear. huh
I went here years ago. It was completely awesome for so many reasons.
E and crew are in Tofino and I couldn't be more jealous
Its embarrassing when you spell a word so wrong that spellcheck can't even tell what you are trying to write. even after several attempts
Looking at this dog makes me think that maybe I accidentally used the bag of shroom dust to pack my afternoon cereal snack.
jesus fuck its name is Ziggy Stardust of Super Trouper. A Bowie and an ABBA reference in one name? I'm boggled.
Dude isn't helping:
His name is Thunder and Lightning.
ps. maybe those awesome photoshopping skills could have done something about the rope yanking at Thunder and Lightnings neck? It sort of dampens the whole anthropomorphizing thing I had going
woah man. all here
I could have gone without the done-to-death Apple style reflection in display photo though
ugh. The temperature in the library is like an ambient version of a warm glass of milk. It is a blanket on my brain. There are five people in this room and three of them are napping. One is blogging.
These are things I feel the world should know.
A tip from hot dog stand man:
if you buy a hot dog on Front Street [which are at least a dollar more than anywhere North of Dundas.] get the bun toasted as they are generally in advanced stages of stale-ification.
The hot dog stands are not owned individually, and he didn't explain why Front street has the questionable buns
Is there anything so immediately off putting as a single giant dreadlock growing out of someones scalp?
Maybe doing a core sample on one of those bad boys would be a good 'scared straight' tactic for the wearers of said scalp rope.
Oh man, I was just sitting in the hallway outside the library, reading Dan Savage, eating a cheese sandwich and the whole time this guy was freaking out. first it is important to note that this hallway is a sort of indoor walkway added to the outside of the building years after it was built; the acoustics make it so that any talking travels the entire hall. Dude was with a girl and really freaking. At first I didn't realize he was speaking english and the girl was barely saying anything; I assumed he was pissed at her. Turns out he was yelling in english, but his anguish made him barely intelligible. I mean really going off. I get upset, in despair whatever sometimes, but that isn't how I express it, so I always find these displays to be quite bizarre. nobody respects him at work. he is a failure at life. those are two sentences I managed to decipher
I'll bet a double G&S and my last joint that his average is higher than mine.
Ok. So there wasn’t much dancing afterall, but it was an excellent time nonetheless. One of those nights where you think, why don’t I see these people more often. Hopefully now I will. There is something wonderfully relaxing about spending the evening with a group of gay guys, particularly when I’ve convinced myself that everything that comes out of my mouth is a witty zinger. Jason and Angus have got the most gorgeous place by the way. Filled with mid/late century sturdy wood furniture that made me want to put on a high waisted pencil skirt and transcribe things. I already have my outfit planned for my next visit!
I slept way too late today. And then lounged and I really don’t have the time do be lounging these days. By the time I made it outside I realized I had mossed most of what was one of those perfect first days of spring where everyone is puttering about, just glad to be alive. So fuck you winter.
Yay! dance party time!
forecast says: solid grooves ahead.
solid grooves. keep saying it until they dont sound like real words anymore. do it
way back when, my family briefly considered getting a hairless cat. I'm still a little bitter that we didn't.
Be a smart guy,
Thats what what my latest piece of spam is telling me to do. Where being a smart guy= buying your meds online. I did actually open it up, but that part was visible on the gmail preview (So handy). So here is the problem
I already feel that google is going to slowly rule us all; the Big Brother of the future. Just ask me about it sometime if you feel like being assaulted with 20 minutes of barely coherent ramblings . Sure their customized ads generally aren't that big of a deal , amusing even. For now.OR ARE THEY????
But here's what gets me about that latest junk mail- less than a week ago a friend and I were chatting on gmail (yes they have that too! fuck they're good) about purchasing generic viagra online. Now I know in terms of spam and lame internet advertising a online meds are almost as ubiquitous as penile enhancement creams, but not quite. I rarely get any spam in gmail though(oh why must you be so good gmail) and when I do, I've never noticed one about online meds, plus they often have signs of using some of my information history. Gmail has even had sponsored links/ads that were clearly based on keywords I searched online, and never mentioned in gmail (Their wonderful search feature confirmed that. oh god I love you gmail). One I remember specifically was a link for 'How to stop dog corpophgia. now thats embarassing.
I know google doesn't want me to have spam in my inbox, but I'm still wary.
I'd stop using them yesterday if gmail weren't so damn gooood.
oh god, isn't blogger affiliated with gmail?! Is there no escape? how am I to discuss the plans for the revolution once gmail takes over? Certainly not... offline???
