that when i lived in TO I had pictures of BC on my electronic devices
and living in BC, I have pictures of TO.
Imagine how pleasant the world would be if everyone was exactly like the way they are described after their death
or soberly sincere?
yesterday, someone commented on this pic i posted ages ago:
Horses are amazing creatures. This photo is a picture of an athlete which most likely just finished some sort of an event/competition and is being cooled down. He's extremely fit, amazing anatomy, most likely intelligent and loves whatever sport it's in. What I don't understand is why these creatures will tolerate ignorance and still try their very best to please you. Horses will die trying to do something you ask it. Even when it knows it's killing it's self. Far to many people have killed the spirit of a horse and that's what a majority of people will see. Nothing more than a brainless, depressed, walking corpse that people call "trail horses". That's NOT a horse anymore. At that point I can understand why so many people think the things they do.
today I was g-chatting with hed and she thought I was quoting MLIA. I was not.
rough morning at work. Was going to spend my lunch hour looking for books on becoming successfully self-employed/running my own empire. Instead I paid my credit card bill and bought myself a frappuccino.
One time my dad sent me a ‘Happy Bar Mitzvah’ card with 5 dollars inside. He told me to use it to start my own business or for a frap. Looks like I keep choosing fraps.
I forgot then re-remembered about this site:
my life is average
Besides allowing me to relish in the absurdity of life (one of my favorite pass times after feeding pistachios to children who may or may not have nut allergies).
a couple i like:
Today, as I was logging into my email account, I was to lazy to move the mouse and click the "login" box. I just hit "tab" until I got there. MLIA
Today, I stopped at a stoplight, I looked over at the guy next to me. He was staring back. We both looked away quickly so it didn't seem awkward. It still was. MLIA
The stuff of life.
I'm no outlier, but it reminds me of one of the women in my office. she is unapoligetically average. at first I hated her for it, now I sort of love it. She brings in cakes and bars (and rice chips from costco for the chicks on a cleanse), she is more than happy to help me fill in forms and I bet she is really nice to her dog Dale Earnhardt (seriously).
too many parentheses (I apologize, but do not repent)
Parking garages have got to be one of the top ten places to rip a loud and proud fart
but that doesn't make it any easierso long, overseer of spadina- from your sturdy vinyl chair on the other side of your glass paned door. Who'll replace you? Jacob's bikes/other stolen goods? hardly
it was all awesome
went to a wedding in van with E. she sums it up:
I thought it was funny when the buttoned up dr.’s wife said, “close the curtain. if I see the sun come up, I’m going to want to stop drinking…”
monday evening I was walking along just being cool, when I came across this supremely drunk dude—classic wino type—holding a way expensive camera, trying to take pictures of this youngish guy (who seemed about equally as clueless as me). drunk dude told me to stop and stand 1 metre behind the young guy. He had no idea how to use the camera but he kept saying how fucking amazing the pictures were, and something about how this is fucking life. Then he’d miss the ‘take picture’ button and say he wasn’t that drunk. Then he directed us to get on our knees and we obliged– at that point I started point I started asking if we were in a modern day version of The Magic Christian – except instead of money, the fame is the golden egg.- have a camera? Take my picture! or maybe it was about being passive- how much can we get a stranger to do if we just tell them to do it.
It was a strange thing.
Went tubing down the river yesterday. God I love the summer
oh, in the coffee shop on the way to the river there was a sign in the womens washroom:
Tarot Card Reader on premises tuesday-friday.
The font was one of those faux eastern types from MSWord98
another one for the 'only in bc' files
I went to a lovely birthday picnic for my younger much cooler cousin. buncha folks on the cusp of 20. One asked where I worked. I told them (it's a city/government-esque job btw). Then they passed a joint around and I had a puff even though I had taken care of that earlier and the sun & champagne was getting to me. The token punk kid said 'woah I can see the headlines now, "city employee caught getting high in park". It got a laugh. I thought: "I will never be 19 again"
the day before H & B and I visited their friends who are farm sitting an herb farm. I feel this picture does a decent job of capturing my impossible cool
yesterday I said "I'm having a brain fart".
I still haven't forgiven myself
so how is that garbage strike going for all y'all?
I missed the strike in 2002. I missed the blackout in 2003. I miss everything good.
sounds like everyone just needs to chill
I wasn't going to access my blog from work but I gave up on that.
speaking of toronto, here is a little gem I've been meaning to post- Toronto Parks and Rec Fun Guide. before and after. ahaha. jackasses
ahaha, my co-workers are stuck in the elevator! stairs are for winners
amazing drawings by Ross Racine
better seen bigger.
I'd love to have one of his pieces in my life
from this nyt article
Sarkozy got some design teams together to come up with some eco-smartgrowth-buzzword-sustainable plans for Paris.
The bathroom has a passcode (she says). To keep out the homeless (she doesn’t say). (she says) Diane taught me to remember it by saying I’m 48 but I wish I was 30.
E sent me this (from):
we fawned. then:
E: N doesnt really care for them. I think we're decidedly terrier people, however if it was just me I would absolutely go to a wiener dog rescue and give them names like Posieden and Hercularium.
me: haha, in the bizarro universe where we are a lesbian couple, we have two rescue wiener dogs we dote over. I don't like to choose favorites, but Odysseus is my baby
E: really, odyssues sometimes is a little too possessive of his manhood for me. I like Doe better (short for Doethenium)
GOOD Magazine is a good magazine and they have great infographics. and now they have them all in one place to ogle! there is a lot of variety in the material and the presentation, but they definitely maintain a unique style. nyt infographics, look out!
ps I think infographics are only going to get more and more ubiquitous as time goes on. maybe I said that before. I'll say it again too
Village Voice: But your music has a lot in common with Dick Dale, and you've cited the Beach Boys as an influence. How big of an influence is surf rock?
Wavves: Musically, ...the Beach Boys... I'm sorry, I don't understand the question. I'm really high right now.
link. via stereogum
I want to make one! have each clip be a clickable video beside the song selection. OR, or make a video for all my favorite songs, or for a given playlist so it plays as a visualizer. Ok that is a bit too much. I'll stick with the visual jukebox
my cell consistently suggest 'atones' when I am trying to type 'bummer'. I don't really talk about atoning much, particularly not in my texts, and in the 3rd person singular.
Said cell also just suggested 'fart' while I was trying to type 'earth'. That one is a little more understandable.
I have a list of these little gems, send me good ones!
Respectful Yo Mama Jokes
Yo mama is so healthy her BMI is probably exactly within the ideal range for a woman her age.
Yo mama is so well respected within her profession that I bet she'll get another raise and promotion this year despite the downward trajectory of the economy.
Yo mama is so good at cooking she should open her own restaurant. I'd be the first customer.
Yo mama is so attractive she could be on the cover of Prevention.
Yo mama is so Internet-savvy she should start her own social-networking site designed specifically for moms. It would be really popular.
Yo mama is so well read she could teach a course on literature at an accredited university.
Yo mama is so good at listening she makes you feel like she's put everything aside to focus all her attention on you. That's a really great trait to have.
Yo mama is so skilled at coaching basketball she should apply for a job in the WNBA.
Yo mama is so generous she just paid for everyone's meal at Applebee's.
Yo mama is so supportive of you and your efforts that I wouldn't be surprised if you were incredibly successful as a result.
this weekend E and I saw a man working on his car. The car was a brown hatchback from the seventies, and if he was a car, he'd be that one. There was a bucket already full and catching more (transmission?) fluid. He smoked while he worked. This morning the car was surrounded by two firetrucks and a towtruck. A woman in her bathrobe stood at the curb. I didn't get a glimpse of the car.
wonder how that story fills in.
I thought this song couldn't have more good vibes than it already does. Then I spent the weekend dancing to it with E
my DIY to-go container that consisted of pouring champagne into an empty beer bottle was not as clever as I initially thought
seen on a travel agency sign:
"A good traveler has no fixed plans and is not intent on arriving" -Lao Tzu
that sounds like a pretty solid argument against having a travel agent. haha, they lose.
Old Lao (Taoist extraordinaire) was also the dude that that came up with that heavily abused quote:
"the journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step."
I guess it's true, but inspirational posters, forwards and 7 Habits lovers everywhere have pretty much made it vile. In that way, Lao Tzu is sort of like a Chinese Ralph Waldo Emerson. Emerson has some decent ideas, but he is also the schmuck behind this cheeseball:
"What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us"
buuut he also said this gem:
"Children are all foreigners"
I've been feeling that a lot lately.
me: my farts are noxiousi had to leave from helping out early because my body was so stiff from holding them inI had to pretend i had a bad backHeather: ha. i love ityou should have just walked outside and fartedme: well I couldnt have done that every 10 minutes for two and a half hoursplus i would have had to stand there and let it disconnectprevent the trailHeather: im getting pretty good at that at workme: disconnecting the trail?Heather: i had tofu chilli for lunch and had to fart a lot todayme: yeah cabbage soup was my culpritHeather: yea i walk to an area with no people, act busy and then slowly walk back to my areame: i blamed their dogquietly as if i was trying to be subtle about being offendedps. i laughed out loud at your techniqueHeather: good. i laugh as im doing it
Heather noted an important addition to the museum gas story- I didn't just hold them in- I actually let out an audible fart, laughed and only then notice two seated young fellows directly beside me, head level to my ass. I scooted H and B away from the area, leaving the chaps to enjoy the aftermath on their own.
these things are worth knowing
Elizabeth: hawell, arent you pioushttp://vancouver.en.
If you are stuck and in need of a good sleep, come pick it up. It is sitting on "pallet" style base which your welcome to as well.
Hoping to help out someone less fortunate. "}
me: Ive already got an extra bed, but my dog could really use a full sizer. when can i come by?
omgI am sending that emailI already have three extra bedsbut Im looking for something to burn
what time can I be there?
went to vanc last weekend. mainland two weeks in a row- I'm on a roll. the usual:
missed the ferry. both ways. sigh. yam fries and amazing view made up for it. so finally got there. drinks, walks, drinks, scammed drinks from a charity event (woops), then Eliz! next morning she made Dave and I the most amazing breakfast, better than any brunch joint- plus she MADE the jam. I swear to god I should have married her when I had the chance.
Tuesday Head and Bytron and I went to a special opening reception of the new museum exhibit- Treasures from the Royal British Museum (thanks head!). stuffed ourselves with the free food first, which in retrospect was not the best idea as I was doing the stiff legged fart walk through the whole crowded thing. You've never seen a byzantine painting of jesus and mary until you've seen it while holding in a hummous fart. Intense concentration
last december, during my very last week on campus, I was approached to do this picture poll type thing. damn I wish I didn't lose the results. Terribly humiliating. I can't even remember the question now. something about the international laws on capital punishment. I mean I really came off like a clueless jack ass. partly my fault: "uh, I think so". is probably not a great first response when your words are being transcribed. mostly his fault: I said more! also the question as printed in the paper was no a yes or no question. was for me. The guy even knew me!
I think I already wrote about this, but dwelling is sort of my style. Anyway my picture was even printed and you can't hide with glasses like mine. thank god it was the last week.
auto-tune the news:
funnee. if you don't have the attention span to watch it all the way through- 1:20 is a highlight
thank you for being a frie-end
So I've been at a training workshop all weekend. sans internet (horror!). Saturday I got a wonderful phone message that consisted of Eliz singing along to the Golden Girls theme song (Im a big fan). It is only this morning that I find out that Bea Arthur died on saturday. RIP. The picture is a sketch I did a few weeks ago when I was thinking of doing a series of paintings based on the GG opening credits. It never panned out. I didn't finish Estelle Getty either- the pressure was just too great.
I'll get back into the swing of it
Today is dear E's birthday. this picture is from the summer of 2005. it sums things up nicely.
in keeping with a theme, a recent g-chat excerpt re: her birthday weekend
the best I can do
is drink until I pass out
and hope I dont cry too much in public
thats sort of a metapor for life really.
vintage clothes shopping in kensington with A
-I was hanging out with a 15 year old, in the course of relating to him through youtube video swapping I showed him the Daft Hands video (Harder, Better Faster Stronger song). He didn't know Daft Punk and then he said, oh is a remix of that kanye west song? ..!!.. first I was shocked, and then once again I felt old, like this must be what boomer dads feel like when their twinky niece corrects them- 'its Cherry Garcia, Uncle Gary, CHERRY Garcia"
-The other day I took one sip of my coffee and instantly puked. This is unusual. I am not a puker.
-I found a portal to another universe in which everything that I say becomes truth. I determine the parameters of reality and existence. I finally got rid of that unreachable scratch at the centre of my back.
so the past little while has been a complete heather-byron fest. friday and saturday hangouts. We played earth hour scrabble on saturday. Byron said we couldn't open the fridge because the light would turn on, but I wasn't willing to wait half an hour for a fresh beer so he held the little light lever down while I grabbed the brews. Sunday there was finally a break from a flat grey sky, so Byron and I sat in the inner harbour sketching. street benches: not just for retired folk and the homeless! Just as we sat down a biker went flying off of his bike right in front of us. It totally ruined the story Byron was in the middle of telling.
knowing my loving of office organization products they showed up on saturday with this awesome gift for me:
The picture doesn't quite do it justice but it is fake wood grain tin. love it! And it still had the original files in it! I just love classic 50s-60s fonts. The ink on my thumb is from yet another leaky pen.
and yesterday they stopped by with the most amazing bouquet of flowers (dad dead for 4 years as of yesterday)
I just love flowers
Then we ate perogies and watched the Dumb and Dumber dvd (6 minutes of deleted scenes, oh my!). just lovely
One time the church around the corner from us (back in the Walmer Palace days) was doing a free screening of the Passion of Christ. I was apprehensive, because well, it was a church and I imagined they wouldn't be too different from a sleazy guy buying some fancy dinner to guilt a chick into sex. except, instead of sex, they'd want my soul. On the other hand, free is free. yeah I'd take candy from a stranger. So Becky and I went and sure enough at the end they gave a big loooong talk about finding god. they had clearly perfected the art of making it difficult/impossible to leave in the middle of one of their 'talks'. then they asked us to close our eyes and put up our hands if we were ready TODAY, RIGHT NOW to accept the lord jesus christ as our personal lord and saviour. I guess no one did, because he kept emphasizing that it was anonymous, no one was looking.accept him blah blah. It was like he was waiting us out until we relented to jesus just so he get on with it already. i guess a few people finally saw the light. we opened our eyes. then he asked those who put up their hand to please come to the front. a couple people walked to the stage. Then dude called out the 4 or 5 people who put up their hands but didnt come to the front! he singled these poor people out, and made them come up to the stage and publicly accept 'jesus christ as their personal lord and saviour'!
I can't remember for sure, but I probably gaffawed loudly at that point, and that guffaw probably taught that dude a valuable lesson about the wrongness of his actions, and he probably knew never to pull that shit again.
maybe it's the music (the tough alliance. 2007/08 staple) or maybe it's the double gin with a splash of tonic I just downed, but I feel like I lost a part of me when I left Toronto. nostalgia's a bitch
ps. sorry sorry hed for being late tonight
Gin and Fresca tastes like toilet bowl cleaner
Gin and tomato juice is worse
I figure that every Beakman fan must automatically sort of hate Bill Nye, and yeah google image search told me that beakmanVSnye shtick's been done. the joke pretty much doesn't go beyond that, so nothing worth linking. I bet it's been a Family Guy joke. Klosterman should write an essay on this. I wonder if he google alerted his name. and all the misspelled versions, oh and how often he is searched. modern times.
New font game to play! Deep Font Challenge
possibly even more fun than this font game
unrelated: there was a letter to the editor in the local paper from a woman who said that life is too dull and sad these days and during times of death, or birth or marriage etc... instead of donating money to charities we should go back to the classic tradition of giving flowers, so that we may have a brighter day in these tough times. That she felt strongly enough to write a letter to the editor is what really got me.
Well i do say! two references to the newspaper in a week. Its almost as if printed media is still relevant or something! kidding. but seriously, how much front page coverage on the national curling championships do we really need.
oh the curling championships. They went on for ages! it was held in Victoria. Again. You'd think thousands of retirees- gaggles of permed women, matching couples- would make a real impact on the town, but actually things pretty much looked the same.
-best not to eat cabbage and broccoli soup before a stretching class.
-go to a fitness class. find the skinniest girl there. She will leave sometime during the cool down/stretch. true 9 times out of ten. also, you'll probably find her on a cardio machine on your way out.
-in a clean up of the worlds oceans, cigarette butts are the biggest contributor to debris! woah! For most of the world, number 2 (hehe) is plastic bags; for canada, it is food containers. I read this in a real life newspaper, so not going to link.
-someones facebook status today said something about not understanding the ridiculousness of twitter. He insulted twitter. using the fb status tool. the irony is burning a hole through my brain. after further thought, i am downgrading the irony level, but only a bit.
I'm currently trying to decide whether to have a pudding or a beer. The Beer is Winter Ale from Granville Island Brewery. Best beer find of the season. hints of vanilla. ok, totally going for a beer and a joint. b and j. bj. ha. is that funny? not it is not.
Also, I never did make that top 5 music list for 2008. much too much. but according to last.fm, my top played track for the last 12 months is l'hiver vous va si bien (zdar a bass day remix) by Tacteel. can't find t on the internet for your listening pleasure. ah well.
"Wingdings has a history of controversy. In 1992, only days after the release of Windows 3.1, it was discovered that the character sequence "NYC" in Wingdings was rendered as a skull and crossbones symbol, Star of David, and thumbs up gesture (NYC). This could be interpreted as a message of approval of killing Jews, especially those from New York City. Microsoft strongly denied this was intentional, and insisted that the final arrangement of the glyphs in the font was largely random. (The character sequence "NYC" in the later-released Webdings font, in turn, is rendered as eye, heart, and city skyline, which could be interpreted as "I Love New York City". Microsoft has stated that this is intentional.)"
-Wingdings wiki page