new digs

So I moved yesterday. This morning I woke up to the wonderful sight of natural light. Oh glorious window, link to the world, promise of more, possibility of escape, I have missed you. There is a 3 legged cat living in the hoise, and though it is much more tolerable than the kitten I was living with before, I really think I hate cats. Well, their odour at least. Indoor cats. My family cat shat outside thank god. trays of shit really skeeve me out.

In other news, I was in the band section of Long and McQuade (concert band, not cool band) shopping for an accordion upgrade, when in walks the exact double of this guy. He has pretty much been on every crappy short lived TV show you can think of (his imbd profile), but I will forever know him as the loser stepdad from my once favorite move "Bio-dome". ahaha, he was hilarious. Russell, the creepy pizza delivery guy step dad.
needless to say, it wasnt actually him (or WAS it?), but I just about lost my shit.

no words

Im not sure what it is in perfume that gives you (me) such a headache when I am forced to smell it in high concentration, but what I really want to know is how the wearer can be without even a bit of the head splitting pain I am in.
Im with my new bestie, the library study room. A little while back a girl and her perfume came in and sat across from me at the long wooden table. It is a heavy,thickly sweet smell- I recognize it, can't quite put my finger on the brand- it might be a Chanel. It is definitely 50$/oz or more,. My eyes even feel it. People have actually left the room.
Now girl, I am in this study room almost EVERYDAY. You should ask around- I'm probably "that girl" by now. Do NOT come in here and ruin a good thing.
Since she has done me this injustice, I have free reign to judge. She is uncomfortably bony. Talking in an equally feeble voice on her phone for half an hour (not that I would normally care, but for godsakes go outside), I'm shocked at how quiet she is without actually breaking into whisper talk. The apple she has been nursing for the past hour is still not finished.
I'm sitting across the room now, but it is clear that I need to get out of here. I am getting that shooting pain at the base of my neck. I've tried getting used to the smell, but it hangs thick.
So, questions I'd really like to get to the bottom of:
-How does the wearer stand it?
-How can the wearer be so unaware?
-How can you tell someone that they are physically hurting those around them. with smell
-how does a smell produce a headache? Is this doing damage?
-If you get used to the smell, is it still doing the same things to you?
-Seriously, how can she not realize it?

I just remembered that way back in first year, I was actually nervous to go to the erowid website, for fear that its appearance on my browser history would incriminate me! haha. how silly, past me. Granted, I had just moved out of my parents house, and was used to the whole family computer, shared history thing, and I was living in res, using res internet. I think the fact that the shadiest fucks on the floor introduced me to the site in the first place affected my wariness. But really- afraid to go to a drug website? oh how times changed.
Ah the family computer. Once I looked up the internet history on my family computer and found all these searches for "woodies". I knew it was my dad, and I briefly got grossed/weirded the fuck out. Turns out it was these kind of woodies. phew.


There are more of these. Funny.

GUSH

So I told my buddy, the hot dog stand guy, that it was my birthday, he got all excited and gave me my veggie dog for free, he also gave me a pop, and insisted I take two of his bananas. He even put the veggie dog in a styrofoam container to make it more special.

One good thing about getting fatter is that the old tits swell up real nice like. One bad thing about get fatter is the appearance of muffin top.

SNOW

Welcome Toronto Winter, have a seat.
So you have arrived. As you know, our relationship has been frosty at best (aren't I a fucking riot). I have been known to say outright that I hate you, but you made it pretty clear my first year here- with your record setting cold and snow in MAY that you had no intention of being friends.
I come to you now winter, partly because this may just end up being my last time with you, but mostly because your buddy fall has been so extra good to me this year. Please don't be an asshole and ruin the good thing we had going.
Go ahead and have a few blustery, wind-tunnel horror, sting your face days. But for god's sake, do it sparingly. Dumps of snow are ok by me by the way. Dumps of any kind are ok by me really.
And please try to wrap it all up by late March? By that time I am really fiending for some green amid the concrete grey and slush brown.
Uh yeah, so thanks.
Oh- be sure to check out the new Micheal Lee-Chin Crystal whatever-its-called wing of the ROM. It's the building that looks like a giant salt crystal, and I think your ice and snow will do some awesome things to that place.
I just decided that that building is a living example of architecture as a tourist grab.

so generally 'cosplay' sorta weirds me out. But Katamari!? I am willing to make a big exception for these guys.
Ok, there is a whole collection of these photos, and it is called something like 'G and S's private photoshoot fantasy night'. The word 'fantasy' puts them back into uncomfortable territory for me, but I am going to pretend I didn't see that part.

sulphur

I find it just fascinating that:
1) Asparagus makes urine smell
2) Some people can't smell it because they lack some gene necessary in smelling the odourous compound.
3)It seems that actually, everyones urine stinks! but..
4)There actually is some confusion on the topic!
From what I can tell (5 minute internet search), early research found that only some peoples urine smells bad- but these tests were based on personal reports, whereas newer tests got 'perceivers' (those who can smell it) to smell the urine... finding that all of it smelled
Imagine that fucking test.

Ok so The Manitoba license plate motto 'Friendly Manitoba' really is accurate in my limited experience. If I was to list 5 attributes/adjectives for each of the Manitobans I've met (only a few really), 'friendly' would be on every one.
Beautiful British Columbia is perfect too. Both because it is true, and because a BCian will never let anyone forget it (we have an official February ritual of calling all out of province relatives to let them know our daffodils are blooming). Imagine the city of Vancouver in the geography of Toronto. woof, no thanks.
Im not sure what Alberta plates say, but if it is "Texas North" then it too is spot on.
Quebec's Je me souviens (I remember), yep, also right on. 'I dwell' would work too, (let it be noted I am all for the preservation of the francophone identity culture etc etc).
In grade 9ish I did a sock puppet show about the battle of Abraham (to which the license refers)- we changed the words to the Gilligans Island theme... the only line I remember is replacing " a three hour tour" with "a twenty minute war". I DO remember Amy and M and S using the Pocahontas song 'colours of the wind'. They changed the line "have you ever seen the wolf cry to the blue corn moon" to "have you ever seen dead bodies spread across the field" (insert sweeping hand motions). Amy (later named in our yearbook as most likely to become a jewish childrens singer) belted it out like a fucking champ. It still makes me laugh.
POST SCRIPT: that cat picture was the second result (after casper the friendly ghost) in a google image search of 'friendly'

all i can see


all i can see
Originally uploaded by plastique monkey

I hear ya

The pink poop is a little more mystifying

At first I thought it was neat that this place made their primary 'signage' a fairly ambiguous art piece. Then I thought, "those motherfuckers are forcing people to be like "lets meet at that place, you know, with the dots, just south of dundas.. come on, you totally know it". Then I noticed that they DO have a smalllll sign on the door (poorly designed I might add), and that excused them a little, but I am still not sure.Meanwhile, just down the street, this place gets straight to the point. I like that I know what I am getting by going there. All this and it is still quite aesthetically pleasing. But this place looks closed for business and the other one is most definitely not, so what do I know
Also, something I thought of when looking at these pictures- the other night I saw some guy tagging a doorway with a Sharpie. Those fucking tags are all over the place, but I rarely see someone actually doing it. God, seeing it being done really underlines how lame and pointless it is.

Awesome- A blog of pictures of men who look like lesbians. funny funny stuff. Saw it on Kottke

So I am thinking of doing an independent study, hopefully under the supervision of the Dean of the Faculty of Forestry. This would involve approaching him and submitting a proposal. He is a decent affable fellow, from what I know. What I know consists of meeting him at the Forestry Conference I went to last year, which he probably doesn't remember, even if there wasn't drinking involved. Since would be going out of his way to supervise me, I feel I should to make some kind of personal connection.
So I will obviously bring up our meeting last year, but do I include the part where my friend spilled her beer on him? Would it be endearing or just plain unwise? Right now I am leaning toward using it. I ask because I have a tendency to regret just these sort of things.
It is between him or the charming professor with the voice of a muppet. I'm pretty sure he is also the professor to whom I had the joy of giving the doctors note excusing me from a midterm due to "severe diarrhea".
Choices choices

Oh my god! new parlour game idea! Let's all make models of our neighbourhood characters. Everybody has a few.


Afternoons will be spent painting and lounging in the various pods.
Evenings will be spent experimenting with psychotropic drugs in the main atruim

I love that my parents (well, now just my mom) go to Mexico and camp in their (her) VW. My mom loves music, and she loves it loud. My old man never really got music, he only liked it if you could clearly understand the lyrics. Hell, even when he went to the gym he listened to books on tape (always with the books, him). He did sing the same few lines from a lot of old standards though- it is thanks to him that I love Hank Williams, Loretta Lynn and Patsy Cline. Anyway, after my Dad died, my Mom went out and got an amazing sound system installed in the VW. There is now this ominous looking dial in the centre of the dash that controls the huge subwoofer. People are generally pretty surprised when they pull up beside the VW pulsing with music and find my mom in the drivers seat. She pumps her music driving down the west coast, through the old growth rainforests, the California cliffs, and finally to the arid, cactus lined roads of Mexico, and she is happy. It is with this image that I first knew she'd be ok without my Dad.

A couple of my favorite signs/shops on my bike ride to campus

Smalltalk coinwash eh? thanks for reminding us just how lame having to use laundromats can be

When I pass this place,I always think of two possibilities for the origin of this name: 1) They wanted to be associated with OJ (Simpson) but even better!!!!JJJJJ 2) The guy who sent the instructions to the sign maker was hungover/narcoleptic, and pressed the J for too long
I've always loved this place. The owner (Francois, I assume) actually wears a beret! I wanted him in the picture, standing outside the door, but no one was in today.

achey

So I got into TWO bike crashes yesterday. First: On my way to Kensington, along St. George, dark and rainy. To begin with, the guy almost hit me turning on to St. George, but I avoided him. Then he drove really slowly behind me- a car behind him honked. He slowly sped up until he was just infront of me (I had my own cycling lane). Then all of a sudden, in a flash, he zoomed into a parking spot, cutting me off. I slammed on my brakes, I twisted and fell. My glasses and travel coffee (in its holder) went flying. The coffee was mostly still in the mug! What a travel mug- a real keeper. My glasses didn’t break. I was wet, my knee and elbow were sore. My bike light stopped working- I didn’t notice until later, so got no money or anything. The guy halfway opened his car door, sat there for a minute obviously sheepish- I was already calling him a fucking asshole. Once he got out of the car, I went off on him. It was 100% his fault. Finally he asked if there was anything he could do. I told him to get a fucking clue and still in shock, I shakily took off.
Met my friend for dinner.
Then, biking East on College, some guy from oncoming traffic turned into the parking lot beside me. There was really no way for either of us to see each other until the last second- it was busy, dark, rainy and my bike light was gone. The rain made it hard to brake, and this time I screamed. Once again I found myself flying through the air and back on the wet pavement. Fell on the same body parts- knee and elbow. Twice in a row- I felt like this HAD to be my fault. But I think it was a little of everything. I was really sullen when the guy got out of his car. I was just in a lot of shock. A junkie hovered around us like a fly- talking nonsense, sometimes about my bike. The guy tried to give me 20 bucks “in case I needed to repair my bike”... I denied it a couple of times, but eventually took his guilt money, and took off.
Yeah, I was really scared on my bike, and sorta of teary and blubberly. I called my friend and she took care of me the rest of the evening with ice, tea, chocolate, pot and company.
This morning I am just fucking sore and bruised all over- particularly my knee (though it doesnt look nearly as cool as I think it should)

Woah is me.


Another interesting element in government agricultural subsidies. Also, I love infographics. Link and Story

funny


1
Originally uploaded by Avi_Abrams

Unrelated-
The guy beside me keeps reading out stupid, unintelligible snippets from his class readings to his friend. The friend is doing her best to act interested but my god it is obvious how irritating and lame he is being.
OH! thought for sure he was gay, now they are holding hands (in the interlocking way even!). So thats why she was making such an effort to care.

I am becoming increasingly concerned over my caffeine intake. I am a cloudy, slow, sulky mess without (a lot of) it. woah is me, unhitching myself from the coffee wagon is going to be a doozy. First, another cup.

Greek RUSH

So the other night after studying at the library until about 1130 I had to drop off some notes to a friend who lives in a frat. I knew they were having a surprise birthday party involving a keg. As I sat in the library I started thinking about how it might be nice to have a few plastic cups full of crappy beer and shoot the shit with some the 'brothers'.
I got there and the front hall was jammed with tables set up for drinking games galore. Sorority girls lined the stairs watching the excitement. Within 30 seconds of being there some guy runs up to me "PICTURE TIME!" ugh, no thanks- the next morning when you upload your photos and some of the bros gather 'round your computer to see what happened before they passed out, you'll get to the picture of some chick, who the hell is that, some pissed off bitch... I dont want to be that girl. I pointed at some guy chugging behind him and was all "woah, dude is crazy", camera guy was sufficiently distracted.
So I weaved my way up the staircase full of girls giving me the up and down, deciding if I am competition. I went past the dry hump couple on the couch (turns out it was actually just the passed out, shirtless birthday boy and his about-to pass out gf).
I made it to buddies room and then we smoked a bowl on the fire escape (no mj inside whatthefuck) and everything seemed a million times more ridiculous. I still thought I might like a cup of beer- I am craving beer like a motherfucker lately. As I made my way back downstairs though, past the "greatest time of our lives" frat boys and the sorority girls that like their friends to be slightly less pretty than them, Hotel California blasted and I knew it was time to leave.
I guess I'm just left in awe as to how precisely they played their roles. That scene man. If I made it up, wrote it and read it, I would be all "no, way too obvious"

Basal Lobe

This guy is cool. I am a big fan of the vinyl toys/figurines/art stuff. I want to do it too.

I judge

So I ran into an old acquaintance the other day. One of those almost friends- you keep talking of how you should get together, go for a beer. And it never happens, and circumstances change and you lose touch all together. Well anyway, I saw one of those on a sunday or monday midday. She looked good. She lost a lot of weight- not in a "you skinny bitch" way, but in a "you got healthy" way, yah know? So we talked of how we should get together, go for a beer. She was with her (older, 90's rocker) boyfriend, and generally she seemed happy. Happier than when I first knew her.
Something was amiss though, and I didn't put my finger on it until later. She had glitter on her eyelids. not shimmer, but full on glitter. The kind you glue to construction paper. It wasnt tons, but enough. Her boyfriend had traces of glitter too- his was likely the remains of a night out.
How good can you really be doing if glitter is a part of your look.
oh and blah blah... losing weight doesnt necessarily equal looking better.
sorrysorrysorry if you ever read this.
Next thing-
yesterday I bought a sweater, pants and several small canvases at a garage sale across the street. The total was 7.50. I offered 6. She gave me this fucking scoff, repeated back to me.. "6?", hesitated, and coldy accepted.
Lady- ever been to a garage sale? bargaining is the standard. this morning you left the unsold items at the curb, free for the taking.
Who has a garage sale on a wednesday anyway?


 

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