lamenotlame

I forgot then re-remembered about this site:
my life is average
Besides allowing me to relish in the absurdity of life (one of my favorite pass times after feeding pistachios to children who may or may not have nut allergies).
a couple i like:
Today, as I was logging into my email account, I was to lazy to move the mouse and click the "login" box. I just hit "tab" until I got there. MLIA
Today, I stopped at a stoplight, I looked over at the guy next to me. He was staring back. We both looked away quickly so it didn't seem awkward. It still was. MLIA

The stuff of life.

I'm no outlier, but it reminds me of one of the women in my office. she is unapoligetically average. at first I hated her for it, now I sort of love it. She brings in cakes and bars (and rice chips from costco for the chicks on a cleanse), she is more than happy to help me fill in forms and I bet she is really nice to her dog Dale Earnhardt (seriously).
too many parentheses (I apologize, but do not repent)

Elizabeth: hawell, arent you pioushttp://vancouver.en.craigslist.ca/zip/1159957474.html

I figure that every Beakman fan must automatically sort of hate Bill Nye, and yeah google image search told me that beakmanVSnye shtick's been done. the joke pretty much doesn't go beyond that, so nothing worth linking. I bet it's been a Family Guy joke. Klosterman should write an essay on this. I wonder if he google alerted his name. and all the misspelled versions, oh and how often he is searched. modern times.

-best not to eat cabbage and broccoli soup before a stretching class.
-go to a fitness class. find the skinniest girl there. She will leave sometime during the cool down/stretch. true 9 times out of ten. also, you'll probably find her on a cardio machine on your way out.
-in a clean up of the worlds oceans, cigarette butts are the biggest contributor to debris! woah! For most of the world, number 2 (hehe) is plastic bags; for canada, it is food containers. I read this in a real life newspaper, so not going to link.
-someones facebook status today said something about not understanding the ridiculousness of twitter. He insulted twitter. using the fb status tool. the irony is burning a hole through my brain. after further thought, i am downgrading the irony level, but only a bit.
I'm currently trying to decide whether to have a pudding or a beer. The Beer is Winter Ale from Granville Island Brewery. Best beer find of the season. hints of vanilla. ok, totally going for a beer and a joint. b and j. bj. ha. is that funny? not it is not.

AND they have a group!
shudder......

21 REASONS TO DATE A HORSE BACK RIDER...
1) We have 4 speeds and many positions
2) We wear tight pants and tall boots
3) We love getting dirty
4) We know how to ride our mounts
5)We perform well with animals
6) We like to be in control
7) We’ll ride it for hours
8) We know how to handle a big girth
9) We get off easy
10) We're always on top
11) We like it rough
12) We have our legs spread all day long
13) We love using whips
14) Straddling is our natural position
15) We don't mind being bucked around
16) Event riders do it for three days
17) We can ride standing or sitting
18) We wear leather chaps everyday
19) We think the fast ones are the most fun
20) We're used to having hands between our legs
21) If we fall off we get back on and ride harder
P.S. Have you seen the posting trot???!!!

i just don't see fun times here. actually it makes me think of when Hitchens went and got himself waterboarded
interesting fact: I didn't look up 'apple bobbing' or anything. like a divining rod, my mouse clicked on one of the archives pages of this found photo site... and there I beheld it, and it was good.

Michelle Obama cheats with McCane.
They could've at least spelled his name right, particularly when claiming to be from Micrsoft

craigslist rideshare post
best case scenario: dude is going to Ottawa for the sole purpose of offering people a ride so he'll have human contact beyond the 5 strained minutes with the pizza guy and the unnecessary brush-ups against commuters on the subway.

ran across this quote on the internets this morning. an aside: let it be known that I wasn't on some self help site or something, there is cheesiness to be had whenever we turn:
“Missing someone gets easier everyday.. because even though it’s one day farther from the last time you saw each other, it’s one day closer to the next time you will be with them again….”
Dear lord are they saying that the greatest solace of grief is that each day we get closer to death? oy

Turns out I've been at this blog for round about a year now. gee!
In honour of this illustrious occasion, I re-present to you the youtube video that makes life alright:

it really never gets old. which is more than I can say about this blog.

latest google reader ad says:
Vineyard Spam Salad - Combine grapes, spam, pea pods and onions in large bowl.
My question is:
If a person can afford/has the sense to buy grapes and fresh peas, what are the chances of that person also buying spam.
Here is a lame joke I just made up:
You know you're redneck if you eat spam more often than you Delete All Now.

have the ability to fly
OR
have the ability to Google search your brain (without google tracking your searches)

I've probably mentioned it before, but I'm just so pleased at the proliferation of the word zeitgeist in mainstream English vocabulary. It seems silly that there was never an appropriate English equivalent, but then again the German word is only a little over 200 years old. I think Google is responsible for its relatively newfound popularity and once again, that scares me. Also, spell check just corrected me by capitalizing Google... like God...!
Related: I predict that words expressing connections and complex structures are going become increasingly important and developed.
this is cbt, signing off.

I learned about the crazy world of internet forums vicariously through an ex (ha! no surprise who). Anyway, it is sort of fascinating. so is this video of the best flame war ever. oh and its real.

So thank you very much big brother google, since my blog post yesterday was titled ‘creamy’ my gmail sponsored feed today was “The creamy snack that is as fun to open as it is to eat!” I’m not going to say the name of the product because then they really would win, but it was a diet chocolate or ice cream thing. Unless opening the product gives the feeling of a deep tissue massage, or spurs the people around me to break out in song and dance (a lifelong dream of mine)... then you really shouldn’t be comparing the experience of eating your product to the act off ripping apart layers of plastic.

yeah?

At what price would you sell your soul? Well in grade 8 I sold it to Bessie for 4$. She was opening up a soul shop at the time. I seem to recall buying it back for 3$, but my memory is a little fuzzy on the details. So if I even have a soul left to sell, the new price is a big fucking bag of chocolate. E told me about this marketing thing where they give Dove chocolate to bloggers. I filled out a form, they called me and asked about social networking sites aswell (facebook, myspace) and how much socializing I do- online included. Never did I feel so lame. But apparently I am worthy! I got this big box in the mail today- fullll of chocolate bars, little chocolate squares. I mean full. Anyone in TO want some chocolate? Mm.mmm.mm. I already have that flushed feeling I get from eating too much chocolate or sugar. I’ m going to have to pace myself.
I guess they are marketing the chocolate as an ‘indulge yourself’ moment for the ladies, because I also got a little pedicure pack, a wine glass (too bad “Dove” is splashed across it, oh well) and a leather bound journal! Oh! And a stylish tote, for all my eco-friendly grocery trips to Kensington!
Another flashback- in grade 7 I made a newsletter, it maybe had two or three issues, and about 5 readers including myself. I held a contest to see who could guess what the initialized title stood for. The winner would receive a “Stylish Tote!”. The stylish tote was one of those dog poop bags from the park- I liked them because they had a picture of a guilty looking dog watching his owners delicately manicured hand pick up the poop with the protection of the bag. Ah ha, Sarin also recently reminded me that she submitted a story on the problems with parents wanting more control over your life. Apparently I rejected it! I said it wasn’t that kind of newsletter, I was looking for fun satire! The gall!

Be a smart guy,
Thats what what my latest piece of spam is telling me to do. Where being a smart guy= buying your meds online. I did actually open it up, but that part was visible on the gmail preview (So handy). So here is the problem
I already feel that google is going to slowly rule us all; the Big Brother of the future. Just ask me about it sometime if you feel like being assaulted with 20 minutes of barely coherent ramblings . Sure their customized ads generally aren't that big of a deal , amusing even. For now.OR ARE THEY????
But here's what gets me about that latest junk mail- less than a week ago a friend and I were chatting on gmail (yes they have that too! fuck they're good) about purchasing generic viagra online. Now I know in terms of spam and lame internet advertising a online meds are almost as ubiquitous as penile enhancement creams, but not quite. I rarely get any spam in gmail though(oh why must you be so good gmail) and when I do, I've never noticed one about online meds, plus they often have signs of using some of my information history. Gmail has even had sponsored links/ads that were clearly based on keywords I searched online, and never mentioned in gmail (Their wonderful search feature confirmed that. oh god I love you gmail). One I remember specifically was a link for 'How to stop dog corpophgia. now thats embarassing.
I know google doesn't want me to have spam in my inbox, but I'm still wary.
I'd stop using them yesterday if gmail weren't so damn gooood.
oh god, isn't blogger affiliated with gmail?! Is there no escape? how am I to discuss the plans for the revolution once gmail takes over? Certainly not... offline???

what is the etiquette for when you get poked on facebook? I've never really known what to do, and consequently just ignored it. Do I leave them a comment? "So I noticed you poked me.". Do I poke back? then it's just two people clicking a button.
poking.

I handed her a dozen roses. 11 real. 1 fake. I said I'll love you until
the last one dies.. She gladly accepted them. But when she took them, She said "one of these is fake!" I said "exactly. that's because I will love you forever." If you post this in another city in 5 minutes, someone that you want to love you forever, will message or call you