lamenotlame

to the class:
"decide if you like your chairs, if you want to change, this is the last chance. are you sure you're happy. ok, starting now you're committed to those chairs for the next three hours"
it is then that someone sits down behind me, wafting my way a billow of b.o. in 'classic scent'
5 minutes later, the person two seats to the left of me runs out of tissues. sniff sniff. snort. I hated them even more knowing they wouldn't have to suffer the olfactory punishment imposed by the jackass behind me.

oh also still funny: theses. as in the plural of thesis

I have accidentally written 'poosibility' twice today. Also, after having taken an entire Major's worth of philosophy classes, I still laugh when a professor starts talking about duty.

Its embarrassing when you spell a word so wrong that spellcheck can't even tell what you are trying to write. even after several attempts

ugh. The temperature in the library is like an ambient version of a warm glass of milk. It is a blanket on my brain. There are five people in this room and three of them are napping. One is blogging.
These are things I feel the world should know.

Oh man, I was just sitting in the hallway outside the library, reading Dan Savage, eating a cheese sandwich and the whole time this guy was freaking out. first it is important to note that this hallway is a sort of indoor walkway added to the outside of the building years after it was built; the acoustics make it so that any talking travels the entire hall. Dude was with a girl and really freaking. At first I didn't realize he was speaking english and the girl was barely saying anything; I assumed he was pissed at her. Turns out he was yelling in english, but his anguish made him barely intelligible. I mean really going off. I get upset, in despair whatever sometimes, but that isn't how I express it, so I always find these displays to be quite bizarre. nobody respects him at work. he is a failure at life. those are two sentences I managed to decipher
I'll bet a double G&S and my last joint that his average is higher than mine.

So I'm on campus, trying to get some work done, but I didn't bring my headphones (the shitty temporary replacements still). getting work done in silence is sooo painful, so after only an hour and a half (including 45 minutes of nonwork), I decided to leave. Well that was 5-10 minutes ago. Just as I was about to pack up to leave, the two girls studying beside me start hugging affectionately, more hugging, then some kissing. Ok they are lesbian, thats cool with me. But now I'm all selfconscious about leaving as soon as their lesbianness has been made evident. I dont want them to think I have a problem with it. oh but now they have started making out intensely enough to make me feel uncomfortable- straight or gay. I can hear smacking of lips and saliva.
SAVED- the study space is closing for the day!

Sick. malnourished. overworked. sore. bleh. coddle me.
I came to campus and there is this girl just freaking out right now. I mean sobbing. Calling people and sobbing. Her friend is halfheartedly comforting her. This is all over a rejected final paper draft. Ok adjust your topic. I'm pretty sure she is in second year. Oh, more hugs from the friend.
I sort of want to say something. I won't, but if I did, for my own entertainment I would purse my lips and start it with "Honey listen, you are going to need to calm the fuck down ok? There's going to be alot more where that came from"Then I'd use some southern aphorism about life being a shit show that you just have to ride out. It would be my sassy older woman who's been around act.

On a gorgeous wintery day, this campus just feels so collegiate! In my fantasy, a few of my school chums and I trek through the blankets of snow to one of the many grand old fireplaces, sinking into a variety of overstuffed leather chairs. Thermos’ and a silver leather-bound flask emerge and soon everyone is clasping a hot toddy. The conversation pleasantly roars along with the fire, crackling with bon mots and glowing in a warm gaiety. Bentley, DO tell us that story of your brush with malaria whilst on safari! As mugs empty and refill again, parlour games are in order. Oh! And D is on his way from Queens by train for a weekend jaunt, what a delight!
Actually he is, should be good

So I'm working on this forestry economics assignment. determining optimal rotation age based on stumpage value, growth rates, blah blah. Basically, complicated looking equations are used and extrapolated in an excel spreadsheet. I understood the first equations we were doing, mostly because I had my library friend the finance major helping me. Maths can be sort of gratifying when you punch in numbers (on a calc. borrowed from said friend) and they come out right, and tick tick tick everything has its place and you are done. Well, obviously this part isn't quite working out. I found myself sitting in the library after hours of trying and failing. I started getting all hot and flustered, having these deep seeded feelings of utter ineptitude, the origins of which are high school math. If I cant do this, I am a failure as a person and I will go nowhere. Fucking high school math. Just as I was feeling like I might just run home with hot tears down my face, I remembered that I stopped believing that at about age 16 (drivers license time, likely not a coincidence). Still, most things are potentially understandable to me if I just put in enough time. Not so with math. It is like a cruel joke everyone agreed to play on me.
Because HOW ELSE can 0x0=17.3!?!?!?
I could be eating half price nachos at Sneaks! ok no, I needed a night in. sick sick like blah. That probably contributed to all of this.

So I am thinking of doing an independent study, hopefully under the supervision of the Dean of the Faculty of Forestry. This would involve approaching him and submitting a proposal. He is a decent affable fellow, from what I know. What I know consists of meeting him at the Forestry Conference I went to last year, which he probably doesn't remember, even if there wasn't drinking involved. Since would be going out of his way to supervise me, I feel I should to make some kind of personal connection.
So I will obviously bring up our meeting last year, but do I include the part where my friend spilled her beer on him? Would it be endearing or just plain unwise? Right now I am leaning toward using it. I ask because I have a tendency to regret just these sort of things.
It is between him or the charming professor with the voice of a muppet. I'm pretty sure he is also the professor to whom I had the joy of giving the doctors note excusing me from a midterm due to "severe diarrhea".
Choices choices

So the other night after studying at the library until about 1130 I had to drop off some notes to a friend who lives in a frat. I knew they were having a surprise birthday party involving a keg. As I sat in the library I started thinking about how it might be nice to have a few plastic cups full of crappy beer and shoot the shit with some the 'brothers'.
I got there and the front hall was jammed with tables set up for drinking games galore. Sorority girls lined the stairs watching the excitement. Within 30 seconds of being there some guy runs up to me "PICTURE TIME!" ugh, no thanks- the next morning when you upload your photos and some of the bros gather 'round your computer to see what happened before they passed out, you'll get to the picture of some chick, who the hell is that, some pissed off bitch... I dont want to be that girl. I pointed at some guy chugging behind him and was all "woah, dude is crazy", camera guy was sufficiently distracted.
So I weaved my way up the staircase full of girls giving me the up and down, deciding if I am competition. I went past the dry hump couple on the couch (turns out it was actually just the passed out, shirtless birthday boy and his about-to pass out gf).
I made it to buddies room and then we smoked a bowl on the fire escape (no mj inside whatthefuck) and everything seemed a million times more ridiculous. I still thought I might like a cup of beer- I am craving beer like a motherfucker lately. As I made my way back downstairs though, past the "greatest time of our lives" frat boys and the sorority girls that like their friends to be slightly less pretty than them, Hotel California blasted and I knew it was time to leave.
I guess I'm just left in awe as to how precisely they played their roles. That scene man. If I made it up, wrote it and read it, I would be all "no, way too obvious"

Guy 1:"I was getting laid last night I thought that I need more authority in my life, so I thought of the Dalai Lama"
Guy 2:"The Dalai Lama is not authoritative- he believes in peace."

Ohmygod- There really are so many chicken bones strewn about the streets of Toronto. E first pointed it out- mitzie always manages to find them. Who are all these people eating drumsticks, thighs, whatever, and then throwing the gnawed-on bones onto the sidewalk?! Seriously. What is with the chicken bones in the streets
The Uni is doing what I can only assume to be a pathetic attempt at homecoming. There are two big rented trucks driving through the streets of campus- one with a marching band on it and one with painted face student council members. One of them directed his loudspeaker at me and either said "New College!" or "We Suck!"... I couldn't hear him very clearly. Now I hear the loudspeakers pumping 'Oh Canada' on the field where the stadium never got built. Go Blues (thats right, our mascot is a colour)
I'm in the library that belongs to all the old money in Toronto. Across the table from me sits a future investment banker/hedge funds specialist, his Financial Times to his right (keeping it politically aligned) and his powerbook to his left. Pink Polo shirt, tousled hair. I don't even know what his dad looks like, but dude looks like his dad, I know it. I'd love to hear his take on me. I bet the word granola would be used.