Imagine how pleasant the world would be if everyone was exactly like the way they are described after their death
Parking garages have got to be one of the top ten places to rip a loud and proud fart
it was all awesome
went to a wedding in van with E. she sums it up:
I thought it was funny when the buttoned up dr.’s wife said, “close the curtain. if I see the sun come up, I’m going to want to stop drinking…”
GOOD Magazine is a good magazine and they have great infographics. and now they have them all in one place to ogle! there is a lot of variety in the material and the presentation, but they definitely maintain a unique style. nyt infographics, look out!
ps I think infographics are only going to get more and more ubiquitous as time goes on. maybe I said that before. I'll say it again too
my cell consistently suggest 'atones' when I am trying to type 'bummer'. I don't really talk about atoning much, particularly not in my texts, and in the 3rd person singular.
Said cell also just suggested 'fart' while I was trying to type 'earth'. That one is a little more understandable.
I have a list of these little gems, send me good ones!
vintage clothes shopping in kensington with A
Gin and Fresca tastes like toilet bowl cleaner
Gin and tomato juice is worse
-best not to eat cabbage and broccoli soup before a stretching class.
-go to a fitness class. find the skinniest girl there. She will leave sometime during the cool down/stretch. true 9 times out of ten. also, you'll probably find her on a cardio machine on your way out.
-in a clean up of the worlds oceans, cigarette butts are the biggest contributor to debris! woah! For most of the world, number 2 (hehe) is plastic bags; for canada, it is food containers. I read this in a real life newspaper, so not going to link.
-someones facebook status today said something about not understanding the ridiculousness of twitter. He insulted twitter. using the fb status tool. the irony is burning a hole through my brain. after further thought, i am downgrading the irony level, but only a bit.
I'm currently trying to decide whether to have a pudding or a beer. The Beer is Winter Ale from Granville Island Brewery. Best beer find of the season. hints of vanilla. ok, totally going for a beer and a joint. b and j. bj. ha. is that funny? not it is not.
I think when Oprah dies it’s going to be a big fucking deal. And not just in the obvious, media frenzy way. For those of us currently in or around their 20s, it’ll be the death of an icon that has hovered in the collective pop-culture conscious for almost our entire lives. It hardly matters if you’ve never actually sat through an episode of her show- you know about her favorite things; you know about her weight gain; you know her reading a book is pretty much a Golden Ticket in the publishing industry- unless you wrong her. then watch yourself.
It’s not just Oprah though. Michael Jackson is going to die. The Simpsons will be canceled (God willing. Hopefully they have some sort of Do Not Resuscitate or ‘pulling the plug' clause, because it’s just going to be too painful and humiliating to force it to limp along in the decrepit shell of it’s former self. Actually I averted my eyes several years ago.) Madonna is going to die. Bill Gates is going to die. Holy shit: Gene and Dean Ween are going to die.
looking at this is like when your hair grows out and you dont even realize how different it is until you see a picture of yourself from 6 months ago, and you think "holy shit, time has passed"
and then I found this!
in the local paper: some farmer found the skull of one of his sheep- it had two bullet holes in it. So he has put a curse on whoever did it. the curse, verbatim:
"God, Allah, or the deity that guards animals infests this culprit's armpits with the fleas and ticks of a thousand camels".
it's really the equal opportunity part of the curse that makes it so distinctly victoria.
i just don't see fun times here. actually it makes me think of when Hitchens went and got himself waterboarded
interesting fact: I didn't look up 'apple bobbing' or anything. like a divining rod, my mouse clicked on one of the archives pages of this found photo site... and there I beheld it, and it was good.
so neat; better large; likely best in real life. by this guy.
today at work my boss fed me half a shot of Portuguese moonshine. Despite smelling like nail polish remover, I was all zen about it and it went down easy. The nice warm feeling was almost worth the ridiculous amount of rubbing alcohol burps I had over the next few hours. lesson learned: gulping moonshine makes it go down easier, but also means it'll talk back.
woah now! add a big old pint glass beside that 7-up mixed drink, and these two dudes are both doing spot on impressions of me
v1: who I am while drinking
v2: who I think I am while drinking.
I still haven't decided whether v2's cig is wacky tobaccy or serious tobaccy.
oh yeah! i have another picture with people doing impressions of me! just replace 'drinking' in v1 and v2 with 'trying to look cool'.
fucking horse girls. they continue to creep me out.
holy fuck. what if I end up have a kid, a girl, and I deny her horse riding lessons (which I will) and as a result she develops a fascination with them. with the forbidden. and then she becomes the ultimate creepy horse girl! oh god!
craigslist rideshare post
best case scenario: dude is going to Ottawa for the sole purpose of offering people a ride so he'll have human contact beyond the 5 strained minutes with the pizza guy and the unnecessary brush-ups against commuters on the subway.
tomorrow is going to be a good day all round, I can just feel it.
